By Milda Urban, Summersalt Yoga founder

We, women, think a lot. All the time. About big things and little things. Sometimes we find some answers, many times – we’re stuck with the questions.

In the last few years one most fundamental topics and questions in the female world is – what is stopping women?*

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Almost half a year ago I was thinking about my career a lot. I was planning to make some changes. Big ones.  It was – to say the least – a stressful and quite uncomfortable decision to make and to put into action.

The train of thought has brought me to further contemplate why we, women, experience so much stress, struggle, and worry when advancing or changing our careers. And, yes, most everything else in life.

I went to the holy Facebook and posted a question to all my girlfriends asking – what is it that they think is holding us, women, back or putting a lot of breaks along our way to success and fulfillment.  As my girlfriends are superwomen I have received many amazing responses which I later narrowed down to this little report with my own commentary.

Social norms and lack of support

The first and the most featured obstacle that mostly dominated the entire conversation was something we blame everything for. The society and its norms.  And even if it is a tired reason it doesn’t make it less legit.

The norms imposed by society, history and tradition feel like something quite abstract, but I think that it is an issue so wide and powerful that it is the hardest one to combat. Why?

Because it melts together with the external and internal issues.

External “norms” are the usual suspects – the ideas and beliefs of what a woman can or cannot, should or shouldn’t do and what are or aren’t her roles in this world (focusing on family and home vs. career, being “softer” and more “feminine vs. strong and determined, catering to man’s ego vs. voicing your own opinion, etc.)

As if it is not enough, we then take all of these external signals and internalize them – consciously or not. Even if you think you are above it, subconsciously we still are influenced and because of that – start creating restrictions, fears, anxiety and self-doubt. It’s simply incredible.

 “Culture (in the lips of own relatives and some friends) does not like strong women, as this would leave her without a male partner, which is implicitly assumed as an ultimate goal and an example of success. This make women to subdue their strong will and pretend to be what they are not, to fit the ‘norms’. A way to get out of this is to leave the country every now and then and meet other cultures, like Scandinavian or Germanic.”, – Vija M. Pakalkaite

Personally, I am coming from a mixed place – with an Eastern European background, currently living in the global and open world. The mentality and social norms in Eastern Europe are more conservative than in such places like Germany or Scandinavian countries.  And that lack of push and too much pull creates this great problem of not enough of support –  one of the main reasons women struggle.

Oh, I hear you say the closest people support you? You are lucky and this may be true, but have you encountered a paradox where the men in your life will support you, but when it comes to another woman it becomes a whole different story? The strength becomes arrogance, grit – nastiness, and determination – well, BITCHINESS.  Now you see how as soon as you exit your tiny family “bubble” the societal prejudices take over.

I could go on forever about the social norms and I think I will because only by having a conversation and putting it all out there we can fight the old ways. 

“We’re raised to draw our power from how attractive we are and how good we are in the traditional role as women (great at cooking, cleaning, raising children, etc.). It’s quite hard for us to find confidence and society approval to step outside that box. If we do, it’s a daunting road ahead, with little support in the immediate community…. but it’s worth every bit of the struggle”, – Nataša Štambuk

 Gender and family

This is a very complex issue and sometimes touches a nerve to many people, however, I strongly believe that it is something that needs to be talked about. Gender and family. So abstract. So complicated.

I don’t think I am wrong when I say that the social norms dictate that women are the primary caretakers in the family. The ones to stay at home with the family – be it children, old or sick parents/other family members. In a way it is biology (and gender) – a woman is the one who carries the baby for 9 months and a woman is the one who is going to give birth, feed the baby at the beginning of his life. It is a fact, but it poses a challenge none the less.

Depending on how big our family and closest surrounding “bubble” it varies on how long does the woman carry this main role. Somewhere it’s okay to go back to work, but you are still the one doing the most of the tasks at home, other times – it is “enough” to work part-time or freelance in order to care for the kids.

Some other “bubbles” are happier than others – a woman and a man divide those home and child-raising tasks.

Unfortunately, there are so many women outside of these bubbles and they stay at home for good. Yes, it is no secret that there are women who consciously stay at home as a full-time-moms and it is okay as long as it is their choice. A real choice. Unfortunately, many times it is not. And many times that choice comes from a place of anxiety, self-doubt and even fear. Those are never good places to base your life decisions on.

Anxiety, self-doubt, and fear

Here’s the modern “to be or not to be” for women – can I have it all? Should I have it all? Should I go back to my career or should I stay at home longer? And right here is where all the self-doubt and anxiety come to life.  Can you believe that even now, having so many freedoms and rights thanks to the ones fighting before (and today), we still face so much criticism, which comes to create anxiety?

This anxiety and self-doubt raise all these questions: do I still have the skills after time off; are there some new, younger, better candidates; am I a monster for leaving my children “alone”?

The anxiety grows and creates a mindset when the woman is left to feel helpless.

If that is not enough for you – don’t worry, there’s more. There are some legit and emotional reasons to start questioning the life choices – things like the desire to be with your family and the struggle to separate from the baby and go back to work. And when fear, anxiety, and self-doubt touch such sensitive areas –it is that much harder to fight them.

I am confident that only the support provided at home, work and from the entire societal mentality can help set the mind and emotions straight.

“Gender. Once you are not a part of a #childfree movement, you are the one who is gonna give birth, breastfeed, be with them until some 1-2 years of age. In many cases it kicks you off your career and it might be not that easy to accelerate again. Of course, it depends on your priorities, on your partner (how eager and able he/she is to help you in that journey), on your perception towards child raise (whether or not mother is irreplaceable), but me, personally, find it inevitable that I will not make for CIO as fast as I could if I were a man :). p.s. I do not regret it. I state that:)”, – Skirmantė Ušu.

“Fear, self criticism, responsibility to get and raise children, to care for their parents, the wish to be accepted by the society as “normal”=confirm, vanity, proud, in many countries it’s the lack of education and poverty, the wish/need to please men, the culturally transmitted Conviction that women are weaker than men in certain fields”, – Mieka Wizleth

“ For myself it’s a little bit of fear or anxiety to find the balance of being a mom and having a career. I stepped away from a career I loved 5 years ago to have my 2 children and it was a huge struggle for me. I love that I have been there for my kids while they were small but I definitely miss being among the grown ups and working in a job I love to do. I truly believe it is those people you chose to surround yourself with that will help guide you and support you. I feel blessed to have great friends and family who encourage us woman to follow their dreams. Now it’s my turn to get working on that….”, – Nancy Milicevic

High expectations

It’s THIS ONE. Can’t live without them, can’t live with them! We all know how much the high expectations we set for our life motivate us, but also how much they hurt us along the way.

They apply to most of the points we talked about – family, work and of course –  the fact that a woman has to have it all and give it all. Right?! 

And even though many of those expectations come from external factors, we are also confronted with the painful internalization

We want to prove things to ourselves and by extension to everyone else. Yes, as I said, it CAN be helpful.  However, there are lines to not be crossed and it’s easy to recognize them – if you feel like you can’t do it anymore – you’ve crossed them a long time ago. It becomes a hindrance instead of motivation.

“Sometimes I wonder if the high expectations for women exist as much in reality as they do in our minds. My coach told me that, for instance, a man would often take a promotion without hesitating, and might even feel entitled to it, while a woman would more often question if she really has what it takes. I know I question myself a lot. But it can be a good thing too because it pushes you to get better, just need to make sure it does not stop you from trying altogether. I also found at multiple occasions that people actually accept whatever choices you make quite easily if they know and love or at least like you. And these people are the only ones who matter really: family, friends, colleagues. Personally, the more I focus on universally decent human qualities – respect others, show interest, encourage to grow, be genuinely happy, listen – instead of looking for male / female opposition – the more acceptance and encouragement I see from others regardless their gender.”, – Olga Smirnova.

The economy of it all

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to add this last obstacle, because I still haven’t done enough research to provide stats and details. However, I decided that I must mention it, because it is a big one – and that’s a fact that does not need any research.

If all the above was not enough, our lovely society and economy make sure that women don’t get equal pay and have much harder time getting hired than men (well, but obviously – we get PMS and also may want to have babies one day).

The situation comes right back to the fear and self-doubt where women are less likely to ask for a raise or equal pay out of the fear to not get the job at all, being named DIFFICULT, BOSSY (and worse), or being told that there’s a line of others who will do the work for what’s offered.

Once again – only with the support and solidarity of others and especially other women we can move forward. Encouragement to ASK for more. Standing together. United front.

“On the gender level, economic constructs not suitable for the less career driven (not saying this is an exclusively female gender thing). “female” attributes not being validated, rewarded and paid for. “Male” attributes being the standard everything is compared to (she’s too emotional vs. what… he is too neutral??), but women being bashed when showing “male” attributes. Unequal standards, just look at the US: being called the worst liar and people wanting you hung for using the wrong email account vs. gaining absurd power by being borderline fascist, openly racist and obviously dangerously psychotic…Exclusionary male alliances often based on business or military background.”. – Sabine Mueller.

“Living in a male-dominated society, which creates the apologies from women for being strong and determined. If a woman is determined, she comes off as “bossy” or a bitch. If a woman stands up and works hard, she’s a “ballbuster” and devious. Men are not equated to the same connotations. So to break these words, we apologize, which gives us a lack of credit. Cyclical but difficult to get out of. We’ve been told we can’t be mothers or wives and still have the greatness we embody. We are told to make choices. We are trying hard and climbing up, and the biggest thing is to not give up. Not listen to the ego. Not listen to those wanting to keep us down because of their own egos or fears. #hatersgonnahate”, Vanessa Fleming.

*In this entire post I am referring and discussing mostly the situation in Western societies as there are unfortunately many places in the world where women face much more awful treatment and problems (devastating poverty, arranged marriages, lack of education etc.)

Want to dive deeper into the topics of feminism, women’s rights, empowerment, and history? These are our favorite reads.

The post What is stopping women? appeared first on Summersalt Yoga Retreats.

By Milda Urban, Summersalt Yoga founder

Ivana is what I call a super-woman. I know that many super-women actually do not like being called like that, but it doesn’t make that less true and I stand by my statement!

She has a very responsible job in the man’s world – she is the president of Zagreb (Croatia’s capital) stock exchange, she is very active in supporting women and their career development and she’s a mother of a 7-year-old.

We met Ivana in spring 2016 when she’s joined our Balance yoga retreat and I am very happy to now share my interview with her. We talk about her job, being a woman, and the challenges that come with that as well as the big and small things she does to influence the positive change for all of us. 

You are the President of the Zagreb stock exchange – it sounds and is very important. What does the job entail?

For six and a half years I am heading only the capital market in Croatia. Recently, we have also acquired the Slovenian stock exchange, so we can say we went international. My job entails running a company with 22 employees as any other but also includes following strict rules of capital markets, running new projects, opening new markets. I have studied at the Faculty of Economics in Zagreb, finished an MBA at IEDC Bled, and have also finished a number of educations in the field of finance and management.

What was your first job after graduating from university and how long was your career path until you reached this position?

My first job was in Pliva, the largest pharmaceutical company in Croatia, that was at that time listed on both Zagreb and London Stock Exchanges. This company is now entirely owned by the largest generic drug producer from Israel – Teva and is still very successful. I was really happy to start my career there. I studied and traveled a lot. It gave me international exposure in late 1990s. I have stayed there for 5 years, leaving the position of Head of Capital Markets. I was very young, only 28, but the Croatian economy was still erasing from the socialist era and was recovering from the war, so many young people managed to get really good positions early in their career.

What were the main challenges you’ve encountered along the way? 

I lost my parents pretty young until I was 25 both of them were gone. I can not say I was a child, but taking into account that many young people live with their parents still in their 30’s, it was a thing differentiating me from others. It still does. I have a son now that is 7 and traditionally in Croatia, parents help with the child. I never had this help. On the other hand, it made me more determined to rely solely on my own means.

In your career, have you ever experienced discrimination just because you were a woman? And being in this position now do you still do? How do you handle it? 

Discrimination is all around us: old, noneducated, poor… get discriminated against. Women get that too. You just need to look at the numbers: although women represent more than 50% of the population and also have higher numbers in finishing education, we still don’t hold the same percentage of top positions. How do you get discriminated against? In various ways and very subtle. Many women get setbacks in their work or career because they give birth. And taking into account that almost all EU countries struggle with negative birth rates, any women having a child should get all possible support from society. It does not happen.

In the business world, discrimination is also present. I don’t handle it. I fight it. I have selected to work on small issues to have some positive outcomes. I am active in pro-female organizations, I strongly support women in my organization that is pregnant, I select top female talents, train them, and promote them.

Are women still a minority to hold such a position like yours?

Big minority. Last week I was at the conference where 11 stock exchange heads were present. I was the only woman. How this can be changed? I actually wrote a paper on it for my Ph.D. I strongly started to believe in quotas. That is the only way to achieve results in the next decade. Did you know that the situation in Croatia is actually getting worse? The current parliament, elected in October 2016 has the lowest number of female representatives in history! There is even a law against it but is not being respected by Government officials. To conclude – if there is no voluntary advancement, it is the role of the Government to ensure equal chances to all its voters. It is actually very simple.

What are the main reasons you chose and love your career and what are the downsides of it? 

I love my career because I can influence society and change things. They are not big things, but small steps towards a more developed, mature, and healthy society. There are some downsides: long working hours, a lot of stress. But I take it strong-yoga helps.

What qualities should a woman posses to get to the top in your line of work?

I have only one piece of advice: work hard. No matter you are a man or woman, if you work hard, if you are passionate about what you are doing, you will succeed. Be there on time, respect all the people you meet, look around, help, take into account the big picture, enjoy on the way.

What main challenges a woman must be ready to encounter in this line of work?

You get lonely sometimes. My male colleagues have their “men talks”, I am interested in different things. Also, never forget you are a woman. Be feminine, you don’t need to act like men to succeed in men’s world.

Do you agree that even in this day and age it is much harder to reach high positions in business and politics if you are a woman? Why is that and how can we change it?

Yes, it is. As I said, numbers speak for themselves. I have seen so many capable, intelligent, and strong women not managing to get through. It is not right. The change will come.

Back in 1926, Nikola Tesla said:

It is clear to any trained observer, and even to the sociologically untrained, that a new attitude toward sex discrimination has come over the world through the centuries, receiving an abrupt stimulus just before and after the World War.

This struggle of the human female toward sex equality will end in a new sex order, with the female as superior. The modern woman, who anticipates in merely superficial phenomena the advancement of her sex, is but a surface symptom of something deeper and more potent fermenting in the bosom of the race.

It is not in the shallow physical imitation of men that women will assert first their equality and later their superiority, but in the awakening of the intellect of women.

Idea, 90 years old sounds really encouraging. I will be happy if any girl born to our world has exactly same chances to be successful as any boy. This is important not because of earning more money, or getting more attention, or being on top position. It is important because it will give women freedom to be whatever they want to be. Today in newspaper I read several stories about women that were attacked or killed by their partners. If they had same opportunity to be independent and self-sustaining, I am sure we would not read this stories.

What would be your advice for women who are on their own career paths and are maybe feeling discouraged sometimes?

Learn and stay calm. Look always one step in advance. Plan, be strong. Don’t be afraid. You are as good as anyone else. Look around you, there are women who can offer help.

The post The Madame Guru: Ivana Gazic – you don’t need to act like men to succeed in men’s world appeared first on Summersalt Yoga Retreats.